I Want A J. Crew Christmas, Or Print Ads Never Resemble Real Life And I’m Feelin’ Grinchy.

I have always wanted a J.Crew Christmas.

A warm and cozy living room with the sound of laughter bubbling up over soft Christmas music, a fat tree twinkling with lights and festooned with ornaments, stockings hung with care, the scent of delicious food wafting into the room, perfect hair and cute pajamas.

Of course, this will never happen.

Last year, my sister and I attempted this feat….only to fail when we were told eggs were not allowed on the breakfast menu. Why? Because people who don’t even live at my house get a say-so when it comes to my meals (Yup. I’m still bitter about this).

This year isn’t shaping up to be much better.

No decorations and my Christmas tree isn’t even up yet (it’s in the car).
My living room is the furthest thing from warm and/or cozy (it’s a mess).
Augs and I don’t even own stockings (much less any place to hang them with care).
My pajamas consist of sweatpants and my high school yearbook shirt (Javelin! Woot!).
And perfect hair? Please — I have to wrestle and burn my fingers for 30 minutes 3-4 times a week just to get my hair looking remotely human. Perfect is not an option for this girl.

In addition to this — I haven’t:

– Sent out any of my Christmas cards/care packages.
– Picked up a present for my parents.
– Made any sort of delicious homemade treat for my co-workers.
– Wrapped anything.
– Figured out where the hell my sister’s gift is (damn you, Amazon.com third-party seller).
– Watched The Wizard of Oz (I have this batshit insane idea that if I don’t watch The Wizard of Oz before December 25, I’ll have a bad Christmas).

I was all about the Christmas spirit the week before Thanksgiving and now? I just want to stay in bed, watch TV-on-DVD (sidebar: My TV-on-DVD choices right now — Buffy the Vampire Slayer (season 5), Angel (season 2), The Vampire Diaries (season two) and Supernatural (season five). Augs says I have the viewing habits of a teenager and I’m inclined to agree. I’m that awkward 14-year-old whose entire wardrobe is comprised of items purchased at Hot Topic) and drink gallons of hot chocolate.

I’m guessing my Grinchy attitude has less to do with Christmas and more to do with the fact that today has been a unholy shit-show, but still — the holidays are totally stressing me out this year.

Any tips on how to survive Christmas 2011? ‘Cause I think this year, it’s gonna take more than gin.

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