I have three kinds of visitors to this blog:
My parents (Hi Mom and Paps!), my friends (let’s hang out soon?) and people who find themselves here as a result of some search term gone horribly awry.
According to WordPress, typing in ‘Liz Lemon’ or any variant thereof (Liz Lemon Eating, Liz Lemon Sandwich, Liz Lemon Gross Strippers, Liz Lemon Me Want Food) will help find your way here. It looks like my girl Double LL is popular on the internet. And honestly, why wouldn’t she be? She’s funny, smart and has a world view based on sandwiches.
However, if you weren’t searching for Liz Lemon, odds are you found your way here by searching one of the following:
Ron Livingston: You know, I’m actually thankful I’ll never meet this guy. Because doing so would turn me into an idiotic, tongue-tied, blushing slip of a girl unable to do much else besides smile like a complete moron and make a few vowel noises.
I know, right? I KNOW.
Also, Laminated List update coming soon.
Beefy Forearms: Sorry dude. You are not going to find Jersey Shore-esque arms here. Squishy veins and biceps the size of my head? Thanks, but no thanks.
Too Sweet by Charles Bukowski: Again, I am all about rewarding efforts, so here you go: Too Sweet by Charles Bukowski courtesy of the Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Keillor. And from one Bukowski fan to another, here’s a little something extra:
9 bad boys
Céline will bat
Shostakovich is in the
Dostoevsky should hit
Beethoven will definitely bat
Jeffers is in the 5th
Dreiser can hit
and batting 7th
and 8th the
hell, give me the
Bukowski is a cocky bastard and I could not appreciate him more.
Hanta Virus vs. Cold: Firstly, see a doctor. Seriously, dude. If this is an internal debate you are having, you need to see a doctor now. I am the worst person to come to for medical advice. Thirsty? Yeah, that’ll be the diabetes. Headache? Welcome to Tumor-ville. Population: You! Stomachache? Xenomorph’s getting ready to pop out of you. Here’s to hoping you had a sinus infection and not the Hanta Virus.
How To Address Yourself Before A Spanking: No idea how you ended up here, but you might want to try a little formality — “Self, in about five minutes, my ass will be virtually indistinguishable from a baboon’s. That being the case, good luck and think of England.”
Big Sur Style: From what I gather, Big Sur is Disneyland for bohemian types. If I had any semblance of personal style, this is probably what my home look like.
Love is a Mixtape PDF: Can’t help you with the PDF, dude. But I highly recommend you pick up Love is a Mixtape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time and Talking To Girls About Duran Duran: One Man’s Quest For True Love and a Cooler Haircut both by Rob Sheffield. Remember the sage words of John Waters – “If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” Think about how much time and effort this maxim could save you.
Sister Rules: Yes, mine does. But if you’re looking for a set of bylaws regarding interacting with your sibling, I can’t really do much for you. Good rule of thumb, though? Hang out, eat pizza and rewatch movies you saw growing up together.You’ll both be happier for it.
Richard Grieco+Arrests: As far as I know, our boy Booker has never been arrested. BUT, I hear he thinks he’d be a great candidate to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men.
Aaron Sorkin is my Homeboy: You’re damn right he is.