They Put Anti-Freeze In The Wine and They Gave My Red Hat To The Donkey Or, Now We Sip Champagne When We Thirsty

Now that I’m a grown-up (or reasonable facsimile thereof), I drink like a grown-up.

Meaning I’m set in my ways – pinot grigio if I’m drinking wine, margaritas (rocks, no salt) if I’m eating Mexican food and G&Ts or Gimlets (I’m with Raymond Chandler on this one – half gin, half Rose’s lime and nothing else) otherwise.

I do not care to drink your overpriced pink vodka drink adorned with a lollipop, I would rather guzzle Pauly D’s industrial strength hair gel than drink Ron-Ron Juice and due to gainful employment, I no longer have to resort to buying the cheapest firewater possible when stocking my bar.

That being the case, I really don’t know all that much about what’s going on the cheap booze front.

Thankfully, my sister is a resident of a college town and keeps me well informed.

Me: I need to pick up champagne for tonight.
My Sister: You should buy Andre!
Me: What the hell is Andre?
My Sister: You don’t know?
Me: No. Should I?
My Sister: It’s $5 champagne! And it comes in three different flavors – green, pink and purple.
Me: Purple?
My Sister: It’s the same color as my hoodie.
Me: Oh Jesus….

So, I’m at the state store (Yes, the state store because Pennsylvania has puritanical laws when it comes to the purchase of liquor) and I see the aforementioned libation. I don’t make the purchase, but snap a quick picture and send it to my sister.

To which she responds: “Dude, if they’re charging $6.99 for Andre, you’re getting ripped off.”

Then today I get an email from her with the subject line ‘!!!’

I open it up and read the following: “Andre is $6.49 at Winn Dixie now too! This economy is hell on us all.”

Anyone know what the open container laws are in PA? Because I’m thinking when I meet her at the airport next week, we might just have to pop open a bottle.

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