Real World/Road Rules: The Rivals Recapstasy Or, Episode Two: Through The Looking Glass

Since my last recap, I noticed I got a metric shit-ton of searches regarding CT’s brother’s murder. So, I put my j-school prowess to work and here’s what I uncovered:

Vinny Tamburello Jr. was shot to death in Chester, VT in 2008. The gunman, Kyle Bolasky, claims to have acted in self-defense.

Apparently, the two got into a fight. Incensed, Tamburello starts hacking away at Bolasky’s truck with an axe. This pisses off Bolasky who picks up a rifle and shoots Tamburello in the leg. Tamburello turns to get away (still wielding the axe) and Bolasky fires the fatal shot into his back. Then, Bolasky stands over Tamburello’s dying body and smashes him with the butt of his rifle so hard, it pulverizes the orbit of Tamburello’s eye.

Bolasky was found guilty of second-degree murder and faces 10 years to life in prison.

I hope that helps answer some questions and now, let’s move onto the real reason we’re here:

The Recap

The episode begins with typical RW/RR antics as the boys dump a big-ass concrete swan in Mandi’s bed.

CT removes the thing with one arm causing Wes to remark that even though his own body looks like a Greek God’s, CT is the beast to watch in this game.

Listen up Freckles — I can assure you that none of the Greek Gods looked like Ron Weasley on steroids.

Another fun fact we learn? Tyler is missing his Magnums to which I respond:

A) Magnums? Attaboy!
B) Ew. Ew. Ew. Jasmine had skeezy sex with Tyrie. Ew. I guess I should be happy they’re being safe but the image of these two engaging in coitus just grosses me out.

Challenge: Car Crusher.

The object of the game is simple – each team starts inside the tractor, sitting on each others laps. One steering, one using the bucket. The car must be dragged through the field to the crush zone where it’ll be smashed into oblivion. Once destroyed, the car must be pushed under a bar without going past the a boundary line.

The challenge drags on for entirely too long and is actually pretty boring, so I’m glad when the winners are finally announced.

Men: Adam and CT.
Women: Paula and EV.

Due to their piss-poor performance and DQ in the challenge, Team Chowderhead (also known as Kenny and Wes) is headed to The Jungle where they’ll be squaring off against Tyrie and Davis.

Some people would do intense cardio to prepare, some would get hammered but Team Chowderhead decide to go a very different route by meditating. Couple that with Johnny Bananas’ earlier statement about wanting to smash cake for a challenge and I’m starting to think there’s some good herb floating around this house.

What, dudes? It’s Costa Rica.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Camila and Jonna get into a scrap and then, their respective partners jump into the fray. Jasmine goes totally batshit and straight-up punches a mirror, shattering the glass. Luckily, the idiot manages not to shatter every single bone in her hand, but ends up trembling and mumbling about how they don’t roll like that in Houston. Yeah, this would be a lot more threatening if she wasn’t talking about a city that ranks second when it comes to the number of Fortune 500 companies within city limits.

I’m starting to lament not enlisting these broads for Team Crucio. They’re riding high on the drama llama and that’s always good for points.

Jungle Time: The name of the game is Blast Off. In a best of three tournament, each player connected to the partner, facing their opponent. When TJ sounds the horn, each player has to shove his opponent out of the circle. It’s your basic sumo match and Yokozuna Tyrie looks like he’s ready to house some dudes.

Unfortunately, his collegiate football background fails him and Team Chowderhead make quick work of their opponents.

Adios Tyrie and Davis. You will not be missed.

RW/RR Challenge Fantasy:

Last week, Team Crucio lost a founding member and gained some serious points when Adam R was sent home for cold-cocking Ty.

I’m glad Kenny was my first round draft pick because his Jungle win was the only thing putting points up on the board. Mr. Beautiful wracked up 10 points this week, bringing Team Crucio’s total to 160 points.

Alright team – take a knee ’cause I’ve got something to say. You guys need to start hooking up, having pregnancy scares and getting hammered. When in doubt, remember this simple acronym: WWTD — What Would Trishelle Do?

And finally, the Quote of the Week. Our boy Kenny wasn’t so quick with the bon mots this episode, so I’m gonna give the quote of the week to his lesser half: “Anyone who’s thinking about messing with us politically or athletically is preparing to get bent over.”

Wise words, Gingerbread. Now, sit down, shut up and let Mr. Beautiful take the reins. Girl’s fantasy team needs a boost and your freckly ass certainly is not going to provide it.

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