I’m not a superstitious person.
Ladders and lucky numbers, black cats and breaking legs don’t really mean much to me but there’s one quirk I just can’t seem to shake.
Every time I drive through a yellow light, I kiss my fingertips, press them to the roof of my car and make a wish.
It’s always the same wish too.
I wish to be happy.
(That whole superstition about not telling wishes for fear of them not coming true? Don’t believe in that either)
The older I get, the more I realize that happiness is a choice and some days, you have to make a concerted effort to be happy.
I never used to have to work towards happiness. Dudes, I’m a cute girl from the suburbs with an awesome family, friends who are always down to get tacos and I live in walking distance of the public library – what’s not to be happy about?
But then, I smashed headfirst into adulthood, realized that life isn’t parfait and came to the jarring conclusion that happiness is a choice.
Some days, making that choice will feel like flossing with barbed wire because it’s easier to throw on your hoodie and crawl into bed and just…not.
And that’s fine. You can do that. As my girl Drea says, “It’s okay to be sad.”
But, you can’t live your whole life under the covers. Well, not unless Ron Livingston is under there with you (I’m sorry, Mrs. Livingston. Your husband is a very attractive man. One day, I will stop talking about him, but until then – let’s look at him!).
There’s a whole world out there – juicy and ripe and beautiful – and you’ve got a place in it and seriously, fuck anything trying to deny you of that.
And for me, making that choice means being more conscious of the little things and finding joy in tiny moments that unfold before you. Trust me – I’m a little thing myself. Who would know better?
I’m not trying to get all New Age bullshit on you and tell you go outside and revel in the marvel of nature and approach each task with joy because let’s face it – there is no joy in pumping gas. It’s a pain-in-the-ass chore that nobody likes and everyone is forced to do and oh my God, why don’t I just buy a Prius because spending this much in gas every other week is legit hurting my feelings at this point.
But I am saying that be more conscious of the shit that makes you happy and when you come across it, take the time to fangirl/fanboy the fuck out about it.
See? Zero New Age bullshit. Mostly because I can’t see Deepak Chopra cursing this much.
Last week, I fangirled the fuck out over the following:
- Hearing That’s The Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson on the radio. I was so excited about this that I immediately texted Dana with a message that contained way too many exclamation points.
- Dana texting me with all caps lyrics from Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke. Because if you’re gonna call someone, “the hottest bitch in this place,” it’s only right that you unleash the fury of all caps.
- Seeing a rainbow while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on 95. When everyone is an asshole except for you and you can only see concrete and steel for miles, seeing a rainbow is like hearing poetry for the first time.
- Avocado-jalapeño salsa at Tacos al Carbon. I don’t understand how ketchup is the most popular condiment in the country when something as glorious as this exists.
- The fact that I’m writing again. The fact that I’m staying up late and forming sentences while soaping up in the shower and tapping my toes to tap into the rhythm of what I want to say.
I like that person – the girl in love with the world and I think if I start paying more attention, I could be that girl again. Or at least closer to it than I have been lately.
You don’t have to be satisfied with every aspect of your life. No-one is. Not even those bitches on Pinterest with their glittery crafts and those photographs that look like they came straight out of an Anthropologie spread. Especially not those bitches on Pinterest with their mason jar cocktails and their perfectly messy buns.
But you do owe it to yourself to try. To shoot for happiness in whatever form that may take. I mean, all the stuff that you’re unhappy with? You can change it. You know that, right?
You start off taking these infinitesimal steps and before you know it, you’re Usain Bolting towards joy.
You deserve to be happy so do it. Find what makes you happy and embrace the fuck outta it. Pursue it relentlessly. Just…be happy. I mean, what else you got going on?