You Don’t Care About This Or, My Sister Is Better Than You.

This is my sister and the vice-president of the United States, Joe Biden.
She is better than you.
See?

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I Love The Internet Or, All The President’s Boys Cinemashup

JY CINEMASHUP – All the President’s Boys from Jeff Yorkes on Vimeo.

So, this is a thing in the world.

Editor Jeff Yorkes Cuisinarts footage from All The President’s Men and Sabotage by the Beastie Boys to create the most delicious piece of internet candy I’ve consumed this week.

Also, if you don’t love this song, I love you less.

Check out the rest of his stuff here. I’m a big fan of Groundhog Today and his take on Se7en messes with my head in a huge way because I learned how to count to twelve using the song from Sesame Street and still use that method to this day.

Douchebag Thunderdome Part II Or, This is the Only Reason Facebook is Remotely Tolerable.

I posted the following on Facebook today:

Which lead to one of the greatest Facebook conversations I’ve ever had in my life:

FB Friend: CT no question. Ronnie’s shorter than me.

Me: Valid point, but I imagine this match to be like an old-school WWF match, so the way I see it — Sammi distracts CT from ringside and when The Boston Beast turns around, Ronnie smashes him with a folding chair.
(Yeah, I don’t really know how I have friends either…)

FB Friend: But CT, always the charmer, woos Sammi with just one look. She realizes her wrong doing and tries to stop The Long Island tornado from laying a barage of cheap shots but in doing so is thrown to the ground by the roided out resident of the jersey shore. This heel vs. heel fight suddenly has a crowd favorite. Despite Ronnie’s best efforts to hold CT down on the mat with a sleeper hold, he is limited both by his short arms and adrenaline rush CT gets from hearing the crowd chant his name. “CT! CT! CT!”. Much like Hogan and Warrior in their primes, CT rises from the mat, shakes the poorly executed sleeper hold and tosses Ronnie into the ropes only to be sprung back into CT’s awaiting boot. CT picks Ronnie’s lifeless body off the mat and bodyslams him for good measure. He then grabs Sammi and they walk back up the ramp without bothering to secure the pin…..because ya’ know, he’s too cool for that.

Me: Oh, it’s a slobberknocker tonight, ladies and gentlemen! Wait a second. King, do you hear that? Is that…Is that Wes’ music? IT IS!

The Ginger Ninja slides into the rings and starts pummeling away at the Boston Beast while Ronnie and Sammy fight ringside. Wes lays a couple of backhanded chops (whoo!) on CT, but soon — their fight is eclipsed by Ronnie and Sam’s drama. Shouting, tears and accusations of infidelity fly. Mascara-streaked and puffy-eyed, Sammy runs out of the ring which means only one thing:

Single Ronnie is back and he wants to beat out the beat…all over Wes and CT’s faces. He hits both of them with his finisher – a double clothesline known as The Ron Ron Juice – and knocks both men out.

He pins them with his tiny tyrannosaurus rex arms and exits the ring to the dulcet sounds of house music – unf, unf, unf. unf….

FB Friend: unf, unf, u-Did Pauly D miss a beat or is that…..yes it is, It’s Mr. Beautiful himself, Kenny Sorrentino and Ronnie doesn’t see him coming. We all know Mr. Beautiful hates how the cast of the Jersey Shore has ran his nationality through the mud and….Boom! there goes Ronnie down hard on the ramp. Kenny is really laying into him, King.

And here comes Wes up to help but OH MY GOD king Kenny’s attacking Wes, this is obviously carrying over from the rivals challenge. Kenny’s outta control and here comes………Abram? Yes it’s Abram in to continue the beating on Wes.

This is getting outta hand JR, Kenny and Abram are just destroying Wes and Ronnie…But who is that running out of the tunnel, is that J Woww and Snooki???

Me: Kenny is stompin’ a mudhole and walkin’ it dry, King! They call him Mr. Beautiful but there ain’t nothing pretty about this!
Snooki is making her way to the turnbuckle, climbing like a little spider monkey. It can’t be…Surely, she is not crazy enough to…DEAR GOD, she is! Snooki nails Kenny with a Shooting Star DDT! Oh, Kenny just got Smushed! The humanity, King! She beat him like a government mule!

Wait a second….OH MY GOD, KING! Angelina just ran out of the tunnel! The Long Island Dump is back with a vengeance and it’s time to take out the trash!

Look what you hath wrought, Simmons.

Yup. These are your readers…

I Love The Internet, Or This is Exactly Why I Have a Platinum Google Reader Badge

Around the Clock at Waffle House — Besha Rodell spends 24 hours at Waffle House. It’s a pretty interesting glimpse into an American roadside fixture.

Confronting Life by Aaron Gouveia — Regardless of your position on the issue, it’s worth a read.

A Nearly Comprehensive Guide to Jersey Shore Gifs — I’m ashamed to admit just how hypnotic this was. Also, I think I’ve destroyed all but seven brain cells.

The Wrestler and the Cornflake Girl by Mick Foley — Probably one the best pieces I’ve read all year. I love how people continually manage to surprise.

Eggs in Purgatory — Hot sauce, fried eggs and a poetic name = the breakfast of champions.

80s Glam Icons: Shelley Long in Troop Beverly Hills — I wanted to be a Wilderness Girl so badly when I first saw this movie. Also, reason #4876421 I need to move to Los Angeles — the Downtown Independent Theater is doing is sing-along, dance-along, quote-along screening. You have no clue how badly I want to go and, ‘do the Freddy.’

The 50 Most Hated Characters in Literary History — I grew up voraciously devouring the Baby-Sitters Club books and have no shame in admitting that I am still down with the BSC. If for no other reason, than to mock them mercilessly (Mallory, no-one cares about you. No-one. Your stories were always boring. And Laine — you’re 13! How the hell are you working in a boutique? Does New York City not have labor laws? Also, seltzer? Really? Really?).

And the worst character in the entire series was undoubtedly Kristy’s step-sister, Karen Brewer. She was an annoying, entitled brat and definitely deserves the distinction of being the 15th Most Hated Character in Literary History.

To give you a little context, Karen Brewer is worse than:

– Bob Ewell (framed a black man for rape)
– Patrick Bateman (murderer/rapist who once tried to feed a kitten to an ATM)
– Voldemort (wanted to enslave humanity; murdered Harry Potter’s parents)
– The Joker (crippled Batgirl, murdered Jason Todd)
– Satan.

Karen Brewer is worse than Satan.

I Love The Internet

– Blogs You Need To Visit Now:

The Wild and Wily Ways of a Brunette Bombshell
The Ocean and Drawing Clouds
Bleubird Vintage
The Lost Girls

Each one will make your life ultimately better.

Also — I’m so stoked for this weekend. Augs and I are hitting up my favorite diner and catching the entire Back to the Future trilogy. It’s his favorite movie, my favorite movie and the first film we ever watched together.

You love her that much? Start a website.

So, I had this whole thing written about how much I love Google Reader for making my life convenient, but then, Google Docs (Reader’s finicky sibling) ate the damn thing.

So, without further ago (because aforementioned ado vanished into the recesses of the internet), here is a list of my favorite websites. Check ’em out. I hope you like them as much as I do!

Blips+Bits

Gives Me Hope — Yes, it’s a little glurge-y, but you know what? I spent wayyy too much time reveling in callous assholery (example: you know what I found hilarious? The fact that Lindsay Lohan turned down Heather Graham’s role in The Hangover….and then, the movie went on to be one of the highest-grossing films of the year! Ha! Lindsay Lohan’s career is in the toilet! What? Oh, fuck her. She wears leggings as pants) and every now and then, I need a break.
Twitter: Roger Ebert — The smartest 140 characters you’ll ingest all day.
Twitter: Shit My Dad Says — The funniest 140 characters you’ll ingest all day.

Beauty+Fashion

Amy Nadine Beauty Blog — My mom instilled in me that I didn’t need make-up to be beautiful. Mom, I love you very much and I really appreciate what you were trying to do, but lady, you were wrong. My forehead could screen IMAX features, my skin finds new ways to terrify me every morning and my hair? Well, let’s just thank whoever invented the flat iron. Luckily, Amy Nadine’s easy to follow blog helps even the most useless beauty queens succeed at painting their faces.
The Guardian: Ask Hadley — Unlike so many others, Hadley Freeman gives solid advice when it comes to the sartorial arts. Bonus points? The girl is hysterical. Love her.

Food+Drink

New Adventures in Pork — A Muslim renounces his dietary restrictions and starts to indulge in the forbidden. The forbidden in this case being the meat of a beautiful, magical animal.
Anthony Bourdain’s Travel Blog — I covet Anthony Bourdain’s lifestyle like no other. The man gets to wander this earth, eating and writing. It’s a perfect existence.
David Lebovitz — He lives in Paris, makes incredible desserts and takes gorgeous pictures.
Ezra Pound Cake – Love the pun, love the photography and love the yummy vegetarian recipes (Quick and Dirty Habanero Cheese Straws? What?)
Fries With That Shake — A blog dedicated to burgers in the Philadelphia area. What’s not to love?
Homesick Texan — Awesome Texan/Tex-Mex cuisine (which, I’m ashamed to admit, I prefer to Mexican cuisine).
Lottie and Doof — Gorgeous pictures. Amazing food.
Messy and Picky — Like Dan and myself, Messy and Picky are young, financially-challenged, reside in the Philadelphia area and deal with the issue of one being a carnivore and one being a vegetarian. I can definitely relate.
Rachel Eats — Rachel lives and cooks in Italy. Enough said.
Smitten Kitchen – More gorgeous pictures, more amazing food and best of all, a stunningly simple recipe for cold-brewed iced coffee.
The Pioneer Woman Cooks — P.Dubs is an internet legend and for good reason — the lady rocks.
Unbreaded – It’s a blog about sandwiches. Seriously, what could be better? Who doesn’t love a good sandwich?

House+Home

Design*Sponge — I love everything about this site and it inspires me to get all sorts of creative. Love it.
We Are Not Martha — Proof that you don’t have to be Martha Stewart to kick ass domestically.
Young House Love — One day, Dan and I will own a home and when we do, I’m going to mine this website for all its worth. Also, Sherry and John are a ridiculously adorable couple.
Real Estalker — I loved MTV’s Cribs, so it’s no wonder I love this site.
Bandelle Blog — Great for inspiration.
L.A. Curbed — I subscribe to a blog about Los Angeles real estate despite the fact that I live clear across the country. Can you tell I really want to move there? Really.

Misc

Pajiba — I love Pajiba. I love their smart and often scathing reviews, I love the fact that they enjoy the same nerdy television I do (Joss Whedon! Lost!) and I really love Eloquent Eloquence, which is basically a brilliant vehicle for combining obscenities with pop culture reference and polysyllabic words (Also, I’m like 82% sure that one of their staffers went to the same university and worked on the school paper with me).
The Autumn Society — A collective of local artists. Dan and I caught an 80s pop culture show they did last summer and it was awesome.
Doc Arzt – Lost = Awesome. Always.

Personal Blogs

500 Pieces of Prudent Advice For My Baby Daughter — And most of them are applicable to anyone, regardless of age.
Adventures of Mascarah — Check out her recipe for Green Chile Mac & Cheese. It’s pretty glorious!
Allie and Jeff
Amore Del Viaje — Dana is amazing. End of story.
Apricot Tea
Caffeinate Me — Andrea is definitely one of my favorite bloggers.
CupCate
Dispatches From The Island – Jorge Garcia’s blog. No Lost spoilers but the man is sweet.
Kyla Roma
Lauren From Texas — I just discovered Lauren’s blog and adore it.
Tatiana Mikhailovna — Another recent discovery. The girl loves Nutella and has the cutest pug in the world. What’s not to like?
Slice of Pink

Arts+Crafts

A Beautiful Mess — Elsie Flannigan is one of the craftiest, most kick-ass girls around. I wish I had an eighth of her creativity.
Red Velvet Girls — More crafty goodness courtesy of Elsie Flannigan and the Red Velvet Girls.
Creature Comforts
Paper Crave

Tumblr

Calvin and Hobbes — Hands down, my favorite comic strip.
Dear Baby — This blog makes me want to have babies.
Fuck Yeah Sam Merlotte! — Sam Trammell also makes me want to have babies…but in a completely different way.
Fuck Yeah Lost! — Lost = instant win.
Suburbabble — If Hollee Actman Becker had a reality show, I’d watch and DVR it.
Where Is My Mind?
Fuck Yeah The O.C. — Years later, I’m still a fan.
Ronnie Bruce — Philly-area photographer who has taken some incredible shots of Robert Indiana’s Love Statue.
Then That Happened — 20SB Winner! 🙂
Stay Forever Sunday